This is what I grew up on, good ol', old fashion homogenized filth, thanks to the old Hollywood Squares Game Show. Some of the names you won't know, but trust me... enjoy the funnay...
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning
Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A.. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do ?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A.. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Bankin' it
nsm - not so much. "Your right teht is nice. Your left? nsm."
ceckmouf (n,v,adj,pn etc...) - stimulating the male genitalia orally. "You went ceckmouf on his ass!"
ceckmouf (n,v,adj,pn etc...) - stimulating the male genitalia orally. "You went ceckmouf on his ass!"
Thursday, July 24, 2008
You might hate this but...
I got a joke...
A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.
After knocking back a few drinks, the ex goes over to the new guy and slurs "Sho... How do you like using shecond hand shtuffs?"
"It isn't all that bad at all really," The new husband replies. "Past the first 2 inches, it's all brand new."
A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.
After knocking back a few drinks, the ex goes over to the new guy and slurs "Sho... How do you like using shecond hand shtuffs?"
"It isn't all that bad at all really," The new husband replies. "Past the first 2 inches, it's all brand new."
2nd Base-ku
Acro-mix ku!
RTT?
Felated MA?
Tantric Releasings!
The Hector Nectar
Is tinged with peach flavorings
Or so I've been told.
RTT?
Felated MA?
Tantric Releasings!
The Hector Nectar
Is tinged with peach flavorings
Or so I've been told.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Dark Knight-ku
We both agree, best movie based on a comic book hero evar. So good, I feel the need to ku.
My best description?
dark knight was very gritty
like sand on your couch
To quote The Joku
Do you like magic?
watch this pencil disappear
why so serious?
and you gotta love the hidden haiku in Dent's dialogue.
You die a hero
or live long enough to see
self as a villain
My best description?
dark knight was very gritty
like sand on your couch
To quote The Joku
Do you like magic?
watch this pencil disappear
why so serious?
and you gotta love the hidden haiku in Dent's dialogue.
You die a hero
or live long enough to see
self as a villain
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Best job evar, with ku
So yesterday, my daily craigslist job search search netted this one ad...
Warehouse / Counter sales
Entry level position
Counter sales, strong communication skills required.
Must be bondable.
Must be willing to follow orders and able to lift 70lbs easily
Hours 10:00am to 6:30pm mon to sat
I'm sayin to myself, "Hell, close to home, simple warehousing and countersales, easy shit, besides, i need a job! I send my resume and a brief description as to why I, someone most consider overqualified, can do the job. So today, i get a call from one of the owners of the store, a hydroponic supply warehouse store.... yeah, hydroponics...
So I go in for my "interview", which wasnt really an interview. it was more of a meeting of each other. as soon as the guy called me and told me the job and business, i could tell he was a stoner. as soon as he said, not an interview, more of a meeting of peoples" I though to myself, great, we'll prolly sit around smokin' a blunt or something... lol.
anyway, i get there and sure enough, there's one sickly little older guy working behind the counter and the other, a shirt and tie guy who turns out to be the owner I had spoken with earlier. he's asking me all this pointed questions, trying to get an answer out of me.
"Have you ever been in a hydroponic store before?"
"Are you aware of the clientel who primarily purchases supplies from us?"
"Do you have a problem with selling products and supplies to customers who's primary crop is marijuana?"
"Do you mind being paid under the table?"
In this order... Yes, yes, no and Mind? Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? HELL NO I DON'T MIND!
To confirm his stonerness, he basically said he don't care what is done off duty, but he strictly enforces a no smoking rule while at work or on the property. I have no problem with that!
He said I was the last person "met with" and that he'd call me tonight one way or the other. About 2 hours later, I got the call and was offered the gig. I start tomorrow at noon. will hammer out the details manana, but FY!
Got a job, betches!
Two weights lifted from shoulders
New Job, no drug test!
Warehouse / Counter sales
Entry level position
Counter sales, strong communication skills required.
Must be bondable.
Must be willing to follow orders and able to lift 70lbs easily
Hours 10:00am to 6:30pm mon to sat
I'm sayin to myself, "Hell, close to home, simple warehousing and countersales, easy shit, besides, i need a job! I send my resume and a brief description as to why I, someone most consider overqualified, can do the job. So today, i get a call from one of the owners of the store, a hydroponic supply warehouse store.... yeah, hydroponics...
So I go in for my "interview", which wasnt really an interview. it was more of a meeting of each other. as soon as the guy called me and told me the job and business, i could tell he was a stoner. as soon as he said, not an interview, more of a meeting of peoples" I though to myself, great, we'll prolly sit around smokin' a blunt or something... lol.
anyway, i get there and sure enough, there's one sickly little older guy working behind the counter and the other, a shirt and tie guy who turns out to be the owner I had spoken with earlier. he's asking me all this pointed questions, trying to get an answer out of me.
"Have you ever been in a hydroponic store before?"
"Are you aware of the clientel who primarily purchases supplies from us?"
"Do you have a problem with selling products and supplies to customers who's primary crop is marijuana?"
"Do you mind being paid under the table?"
In this order... Yes, yes, no and Mind? Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? HELL NO I DON'T MIND!
To confirm his stonerness, he basically said he don't care what is done off duty, but he strictly enforces a no smoking rule while at work or on the property. I have no problem with that!
He said I was the last person "met with" and that he'd call me tonight one way or the other. About 2 hours later, I got the call and was offered the gig. I start tomorrow at noon. will hammer out the details manana, but FY!
Got a job, betches!
Two weights lifted from shoulders
New Job, no drug test!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Hate and Ku
Hate me for writing boring ku, i dont care.
Having no job sucks
Being hated on sucks too
Why make the effort?
Off topic... Don't know why, I guess it's because I got alot of time on my hands, but the story I was told yesterday about the coworker has really bothered me. If this is a such a good friend, they need to sack up and admit their bitchiness. I hate the fact that they're referred to as the "New Alex" because that's something Alex would never do. I mean, fuck it, I'll make you cry but it'll more then likely be tied to some prank and I won't just leave it all unresolved.
Having no job sucks
Being hated on sucks too
Why make the effort?
Off topic... Don't know why, I guess it's because I got alot of time on my hands, but the story I was told yesterday about the coworker has really bothered me. If this is a such a good friend, they need to sack up and admit their bitchiness. I hate the fact that they're referred to as the "New Alex" because that's something Alex would never do. I mean, fuck it, I'll make you cry but it'll more then likely be tied to some prank and I won't just leave it all unresolved.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
More hating you so much, less ku!
Went by a couple of the places I had previously interviewed for before I got the job I got fired from... hey, rtt I got fired by a figurative crackhead? anyway... walked into a few places and 3 out of the 4 the hr guy/gal wasn't in, but one was... in. I made with the pleasantries and inquired if there was any work. The guy looked at me from across his desk and it was almost like I could read his mind...
Man, check this guy out. He came in here a few months back, over qualified and wanted to wash some fuckin' dishes. He cooks, but never as a job, I got a posish, but there's no way I'm going to hire this guy. he'll probably move on the first chance he gets."
Or something to that affect. After staring at me for what seemed like 5 minutes, he said he had nothing available at the moment and I thanked him for his time. As I walked out the door, I had a movie scene in my mind, can't tell you specifically which one, but it was a job interview scene, they told this character they had nothing, he turned on his heel and headed toward the door, then spun back around and stomped back to where the interviewee was sitting. He leans in and begins screaming in her face, spittle peppering the person's cheeks. After that wet, onsided confrontation, the guy turns back around and walks out. I wish I had the balls to do that.
Man, check this guy out. He came in here a few months back, over qualified and wanted to wash some fuckin' dishes. He cooks, but never as a job, I got a posish, but there's no way I'm going to hire this guy. he'll probably move on the first chance he gets."
Or something to that affect. After staring at me for what seemed like 5 minutes, he said he had nothing available at the moment and I thanked him for his time. As I walked out the door, I had a movie scene in my mind, can't tell you specifically which one, but it was a job interview scene, they told this character they had nothing, he turned on his heel and headed toward the door, then spun back around and stomped back to where the interviewee was sitting. He leans in and begins screaming in her face, spittle peppering the person's cheeks. After that wet, onsided confrontation, the guy turns back around and walks out. I wish I had the balls to do that.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Last night's dream.
I had a dream last night that I was in some sort of classroom setting but it was outside. We were all sitting in desks, the kind that are attached to chairs, watching a video on a projector screen. All around us in the bleachers were some type of primates, baboons I think because they were really mean looking. Some of them were normal, blackish brown but others were a neon orange and yellow color. We couldnt move at all or else they would attack. Why the hell were we conducting class there then?!?!? Then, during the film, Barack Obama starts walking through the aisles of students and I whisper to him how much Suzette wants to be on his campaign team, and hes like "Yes ok" but I can tell hes blowing me off. Then all the baboons leave, with their zoo wranglers or whatever.... whew what a relief!
Thats all I remember.
Thats all I remember.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Later-ku
Official Ghet' Girl
Sake Appreciation
Copolla Cab Sav
Nagger wanted you
Lusted over by Pride Dykes
Chopper sends his love
Cal Berk Campanile
HW while Naggers Naggered
XANADU... DU... DU!
Sake Appreciation
Copolla Cab Sav
Nagger wanted you
Lusted over by Pride Dykes
Chopper sends his love
Cal Berk Campanile
HW while Naggers Naggered
XANADU... DU... DU!
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